Friday Fictioneers – Garden Gazing

It’s been a few weeks since I last contributed to the Friday Fictioneers challenge which has now been taken on by Rochelle Wiseoff. I’d like to say a huge thank you to Madison Woods, who started the original group, she certainly inspired me to get more creative with my fiction persona; and much to the lovely Stevie’s distress, I’ve often explored a dark side I didn’t know I had.

The photo this week come courtesy of Rochelle herself and the usual restrictions apply, it is her copyright so please respect that. Constructive criticism is always appreciated.

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She was standing at the sink gazing out the window when he got home. Again he saw the vacant look in her eye before she realised he was there. Powerless to help, he could only stand by and watch as she withdrew even further into herself.

“What’s for supper love?” he kept his voice bright, anything else would have resulted in a snap back.

“Thought we’d have fish ‘n chips again”. She kept her eyes on the garden, watching intently for any signs of movement.

‘One day’, he thought ‘she’ll move on past the rapist that ripped our lives apart’.

(100 Words)

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You can find a bunch of other observations and interpretations here: rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/2012/10/24/of-sight-and-sound/ and also by following the links in the box below. If you would like to take part in the Friday Fictioneers challenge you will need to visit this page which explains what to do: rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/friday-fictioneers-2/. You can also join in on Facebook at: facebook.com/FridayFictioneers

57 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers – Garden Gazing

      1. Thank you so much for the feedback and I’m really glad you picked up on the compassion, I hoped I’d conveyed it well enough :-)

  1. I like how you’ve captured her distraction as if the effort of engaging in the now is too much. Very effective. In the first sentence, if you change “She was standing…” to “She stood…” it makes it active rather than passive and gives you an extra word to throw in somewhere else if you want :)

    1. This is good. I disagree with you, Madison about changing it to ‘She stood’. In this context it is describing a continuous action that is happening as the man arrives home, not something she does suddenly as he walks in. To see what I mean, cut out the intervening words and read: ‘She stood at the sink when he got home,” implying that it is something she did because he arrived home. ‘She was standing by the sink when he got home’ shows that it was already happening before he arrived and might have been for happening a long time, which is implied in the whole context.

      1. You have a point there Rosemary, my aim was to indicate that it was something she did most of the time, constantly watching the garden to prevent a recurrance and your observation about standing and stood is very well explained, thanks :-)

    2. I’m really pleased you liked it Madison, and the suggestion you make would certainly change the sense of the story so thanks for the suggestion. :-)

      1. Ah, but I learnt a lot in the exchange you had with the Chickerell Chirper, things I couldn’t have learnt by someone trying to explain things to me. So I really do appreciate the comment you made :-)

    1. Sometimes something just hits you between the eyes when it comes to inspiration Anne, I hadn’t even seen the picture when I saw you earlier and thanks for the lovely welcome back too :-)

    1. Thank you Shirley, you are probably right – I dont’ think you can ever let it go completely, but the hope is that you do move on at some point. :-)

    1. Wow, that’s a great comment and thank you, I’m really pleased that you felt the writing was powerful as it’s something I’m trying to develop at the moment Russell :-)

  2. Dear Linda,

    A very powerful piece and well told. You captured the moment with skill and a deft touch with your words. i cannot fathom how couples survive these acts. Only love is the answer but sometimes that is just not enough.

    Aloha,

    Doug

  3. where do we go when we cannot hide? To that inner place where neither friend of foe can find us. I hope she finds her way out.

    Very sad. Interesting how helpless she had rendered him.

    1. I think that sense of helplessness is more common than we think when those we love have to cope with events or life changes that we can’t imagine; and yes, often the only place to go is within :-)

      1. want to understand helplessnes?

        When a dad calls his daughter off at college near a hurricane ( Philadelphia ) and she says she has stocked up on water, a flashlight, and an extra large pizza. ( I didn’t know if I should sigh or laugh )

      2. I think our priorities change as we get older and I can remember being exactly the same when I was your daughters age – at least it was water and not something stronger ;-)

      3. hope it is still tasty!

        My mom did too, I think when they grew up, food was scarce and the gift of it more precious. Now we have so much that we need to eat less.

      4. That is so true, but will we learn do you think? Just because we have more doesn’t mean we have to consume it (physically or metaphorically!) BTW, how has your daughter weathered the storm?

  4. So sad. So tragic. Too real. So overwhelming to live with for both of them. Such a strain on the marriage. I hope she is in therapy and with a good support group. Perhaps they are in couple counseling.

    1. With any luck they will get through it, that and a whole lot of love and patience on both their parts as I’m sure neither can really appreciate what the other is going through Lora ;-)

I'm always interested in what people think and love having a debate so why don't we have a chat :-)

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